Kate, a woman who I met while I was a member of the Naperville Chamber of Commerce, wrote a children’s book titled, “The Gnome, The Gnat, and the Gnu”.
Her book was inspired by a poem that Shel Silverstein had incorporated into his third book, titled, “Falling Up”. (You CAN find “Falling Up” on Amazon, but you’d have to go to a Naperville book store to find Kate’s book.)
Silverstein’s poem, in its entirety, goes like this:
I saw an ol’ gnome
Take a gknock at a gnat
Who was nibbling the gnose of his gnu
I said, “Gnasty gnome,
Gnow stop doing that.
That gnat ain’t done gnothing to you.”
He nodded his gnarled ol’ head and said,
“Til gnow I gnever gnew
That gnocking a gnat
In the gnoodle like that
Was gnot a gnice thing to do”.
The Hmongs in Hminnesota have their silent “h”
Just as the gnome has his silent “g”
The English language is FULL of oddities
That can perplex you and me
In “The Silence of the Lambs”
Not even a Starling was hurt
But coal miners are in trouble
If their canary doesn’t blurt
Men aren’t mean
If their “a” goes to sea
And I DOUT if you’ll miss
The wandering “b”
There is a SIENCE about words
As you can plainly see
And the world won’t end
If we leave out a “c”
Let’s meet next WENZDAY
Over biscuits and tea
And discuss what happened
To our missing “d”
A slice of pie
And a cup of tea
May explain the absence
Of the sound of the “e”
Let’s all take a poll
(and let’s include Jeff)
To learn why Phone
Starts out like an “f”
Honor needs no “h”
To make one feel smug
But a hug without an “h”
Can only be an “ugh”
Let’s SEEZE the moment
And ask ourselves why
That “e” still sounds like “e”
If we add an “i”
Let’s not jump to conclusions
About the letter “j”
Until we get an opinion
From our old friend Jose
NOCK on wood
And come what may
But don’t waste time
Looking for the “k”
Why does the “l” go away
When it winds up in “talk”
But is plainly heard
When we put it in “talc”?
Why does hymn sound like him
If we include an “n”
And why does sign rhyme with mine
If a “g” goes in ?
Shouldn’t that be a sin?
Why does SCURGE rhyme with splurge
If we plug in on “o”
And why does RECEIT rhyme with repeat
If we get a “p” to go ?
I won’t get any FLAQ
If I don’t pick on “q”
I’ve got a PLAK on my wall
And I won’t KWIT until I’m through
“R” and “s” are always there
But don’t MENSHUN “t”
Because it just wouldn’t be fair
“U” changes sounds
If you add a letter
So “put” becomes “putt”
But it doesn’t make it better
“V” is for victory
And for that we will vie
But a REN doesn’t need a ‘w”
In order to fly
You can be ZENOPHOBIC
Without using a “x”
Y is a vowel, but maybe not
And that is something that will always vex
So with the SINE of Zorro
Let’s get to the point
English ain’t EAZEE
So let’s get outta this joint
If you are still not convinced that English is difficult to learn, the link below will help you to understand:
more crazy English phrases
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